for useinsouciant

[singlemantear]

 continued from here.

Dean doesn't get much sleep. He stays in bed, makes sure Cas gets the sleep he needs, but Dean's too keyed up about what he's going to do the next day to get much more than short, fitful bouts of unconsciousness. His dreams are filled with images of anxiety and pain - the face of his brother, a hoard of Croats chasing him, the scorch mark of angel wings across pavement.

As the sun starts to rise, Dean slides out of bed, careful to not wake up Cas, and goes to prepare for what he's gotta do that day. He covers the dining room floor with sheets that will hopefully soak up the blood, he sterilizes the saw and surgical instruments with alcohol he'd gotten at the hospital and gets all the bandages ready. He feels sick but he's got his game face on - determined to do what Cas has asked of him. He isn't thinking beyond the present moment and the one after that and the one after that. He won't think of the future again until after this is over. Cas needs all his attention.

Comments

[useinsouciant]

"Acquired is certainly a word for it." He takes a slightly longer sip, like that will help somehow, but it doesn't.

"And if you drink enough of this, you will eventually become intoxicated. Which feels like... what, exactly?"

[singlemantear]

"Sorta depends on your level of intoxication," Dean says. "Warm at first. A little loose and floaty. Happy. Calm maybe. Numb. Like there's nothing you gotta worry about in the world.

"Some people get belligerent, but I think I'm a fun drunk."

Dean grins.

[useinsouciant]

"Calm and numb sound... good." That sounds ideal, right now. Calm and not having to feel anything for a little while, emotionally. Like the pills do for him physically. "I'd like to not have any worries in the world."

[singlemantear]

Dean nods. Cas has earned that.

"Just uh, so you know, when it wears off you usually feel...worse," he says, thinking he should give Cas that head's up.

He'd gotten enough lectures from Sam about alcohol being a depressant for that to not ring in his head. He's always ignored him, but Cas should be forewarned of the side effects of that time of oblivion.

"Nothing's without consequences."

[useinsouciant]

"I've seen you hungover," Cas points out, trying another sip. "You looked terrible. But I am willing to deal with the consequences tomorrow, if it will bring me some peace tonight."

[singlemantear]

Dean reaches his glass out to tap against Cas's.

"I'll drink to that," he says. Dean knows the feeling and he's happy to follow Cas into oblivion. Not entirely, of course. He's gotta keep an eye on the other man. They both can't be stupid at the same time.

[useinsouciant]

A few drinks later and Cas is leaning a little further over the table. Holding on a little tighter to his glass. He does feel warmer. It's a nice feeling. "I think I understand now. Why people do this. This isn't a bad feeling at all. It's comfortable. I feel -- well mostly comfortable. The chair is a little hard."

[singlemantear]

Dean has had the same amount but he's not feeling it that much yet.

"Well, there are other chairs here," he points out. "You need some help getting to one?"

[useinsouciant]

Well it is Cas's first experience with alcohol. "We could -- " He gestures over to the sofa, eyebrows raised. That seems more comfortable than wooden chairs. And he can be closer to Dean that way. Lean, if he needs to.

[singlemantear]

"Yeah, alright," Dean says and gets up. He then helps Cas to his feet and make his way over to the couch, depositing him there carefully. He goes to grab his own half full glass and sits next to Cas, propping his feet up on the coffee table.

"See, not everything about being human is bad. Like the ability to get drunk."

[useinsouciant]

"I am certainly enjoying this ability. If we can't have burgers and pizza and all the food you enjoy, at least we can have this." He's carefully to lean forward a little here, too, to avoid hitting his shoulders. But the sofa is already much more comfortable than wooden chairs.

"I like this. Exploring new human things with you. You're usually patient enough to explain them to me. It's very kind of you."

[singlemantear]

"Dude, it's the least I can do," Dean says as he looks over at Cas. "Believe me, I wish there was more. More than shitty whiskey and old jars of peanut butter."

[useinsouciant]

"The peanut butter isn't so bad. The whiskey is... acquiring, at least." There's so much more that he wants to explore with Dean. Another kiss, certainly. Perhaps something more than a kiss.

But Dean had treated it like the wish of a dying man, and though he continues to share Cas's bed at Cas's request, Cas has been nervous to ask again. He rubs his thumb over his lips and glances over at Dean. Wondering what would happen if he just -- did it. But that seems unfair, to take a second kiss without asking.

So he changes subjects a little. "You still seem fairly sober."

[singlemantear]

Dean thinks about the kiss. He catches Cas watching him and knows he's probably thinking about it too. But Cas has been through something traumatic this week - he's healing and on pain meds. Dean pushes the thoughts aside.

"Yeah, well, the more you drink, the more it takes you to get drunk," Dean explains. "A cruel trick of nature."

He finishes off his whiskey and puts the empty glass onto the table. He doesn't plan on getting drunk tonight anyway. Just taking the edge off.

[useinsouciant]

"And you don't want to get drunk with me tonight," he observes, as Dean sets his glass down and Cas refills his own. "You've been through a hard time as well. I would say you're allowed."

[singlemantear]

"It's your night," Dean says but he grabs for the bottle and pours himself some more. He can get buzzed and still have most of his wits about him.

"I'll need to be ready to hold your hair back."

It's a joke. One that he's not sure Cas will get but he thinks it's funny.

[useinsouciant]

"I don't have that much hair." The comment is confusing, but Dean's smiling, so maybe it was a joke? One he doesn't understand the reference to yet. "Strangely enough, the more I drink, the less it burns when I swallow it."

[singlemantear]

"It just means I'm gonna be there when you're puking your guts out," Dean explains. "If you do. Not saying you will for sure."

He shrugs. Everyone's different. It takes a lot for alcohol to make him throw up.

[useinsouciant]

"I was not aware of this potential side effect." He feels... fine. He feels more than fine. Calm, like Dean had promised. He reaches over to rub his hand over the back of Dean's shoulders. "But you are a good friend, to promise that."

[singlemantear]

Dean nods and takes another sip of his drink.

"It's just what you do," he explains. "As humans. You gotta take care of each other."

You don't technically have to and there are plenty who only care about themselves, but Dean was raised to know that his main job in life was to look after his little brother and he's expanded that to anyone important in his life. And since he fucked up over and over with Sam, he's hoping he won't do the same with Cas now that he's human.

[useinsouciant]

Cas leans against Dean a little. His shoulders are sore, but the alcohol has a nice numbing effect. Physically, it seems, as well. His whole being is start to feel numb and it's not bad.

He keeps his hand at Dean's back, his thumb rubbing over the material of his shirt. "I will take care of you, too."

[singlemantear]

"Yeah, Cas," Dean says. "I know you will."

He takes another drink, glad he poured himself some more after all. Cas's hand on his back is causing those mixed signals in him. Comforting and uncomfortable at once. Half of him knows he should shrug it away, the other half wants to lean into it.

"Feeling tingly yet?"

He chooses to ignore it and remind himself that Cas is on his way to drunk.

[useinsouciant]

"Tingly. Yes, I think I am." That seems an apt word for what he's feeling. His fingers, especially, his grip on the glass a bit looser. He sets it down before he drops it. "It's good, right? The tingly?"

[singlemantear]

"I think so," he says with a shrug. Tingly usually precipitates bad karaoke and too many chicken wings and sometimes a decent hookup that he actually remembers most of. "Usually if you stop or slow down at tingly you'll avoid too bad of a hangover the next day."

In Dean's experience anyway.

[useinsouciant]

"Then I will slow down. At your suggestion." Though he picks up his glass for something to do with his hands that isn't touching Dean.

Still... "I believe there is a point in the night where we become honest with each other. Or at least that is what I have observed on television shows and in bars. It is a sort of honesty that is meant to be forgotten by the next day.

Am I correct?"