for useinsouciant

[singlemantear]

 continued from here.

Dean doesn't get much sleep. He stays in bed, makes sure Cas gets the sleep he needs, but Dean's too keyed up about what he's going to do the next day to get much more than short, fitful bouts of unconsciousness. His dreams are filled with images of anxiety and pain - the face of his brother, a hoard of Croats chasing him, the scorch mark of angel wings across pavement.

As the sun starts to rise, Dean slides out of bed, careful to not wake up Cas, and goes to prepare for what he's gotta do that day. He covers the dining room floor with sheets that will hopefully soak up the blood, he sterilizes the saw and surgical instruments with alcohol he'd gotten at the hospital and gets all the bandages ready. He feels sick but he's got his game face on - determined to do what Cas has asked of him. He isn't thinking beyond the present moment and the one after that and the one after that. He won't think of the future again until after this is over. Cas needs all his attention.

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[useinsouciant]

Cas leans against Dean a little. His shoulders are sore, but the alcohol has a nice numbing effect. Physically, it seems, as well. His whole being is start to feel numb and it's not bad.

He keeps his hand at Dean's back, his thumb rubbing over the material of his shirt. "I will take care of you, too."

[singlemantear]

"Yeah, Cas," Dean says. "I know you will."

He takes another drink, glad he poured himself some more after all. Cas's hand on his back is causing those mixed signals in him. Comforting and uncomfortable at once. Half of him knows he should shrug it away, the other half wants to lean into it.

"Feeling tingly yet?"

He chooses to ignore it and remind himself that Cas is on his way to drunk.

[useinsouciant]

"Tingly. Yes, I think I am." That seems an apt word for what he's feeling. His fingers, especially, his grip on the glass a bit looser. He sets it down before he drops it. "It's good, right? The tingly?"

[singlemantear]

"I think so," he says with a shrug. Tingly usually precipitates bad karaoke and too many chicken wings and sometimes a decent hookup that he actually remembers most of. "Usually if you stop or slow down at tingly you'll avoid too bad of a hangover the next day."

In Dean's experience anyway.

[useinsouciant]

"Then I will slow down. At your suggestion." Though he picks up his glass for something to do with his hands that isn't touching Dean.

Still... "I believe there is a point in the night where we become honest with each other. Or at least that is what I have observed on television shows and in bars. It is a sort of honesty that is meant to be forgotten by the next day.

Am I correct?"

[singlemantear]

"Uh, sure, I guess," Dean says with a shrug. "Alcohol can make you say and do stuff you wouldn't normally. You only forget though if you're drunk enough."

Dean's uneasy about where this is going.

"But you don't usually seem to have much trouble with honesty even when you're sober."

Cas had been brutally honest as an angel and he still has a knack for it.

[useinsouciant]

"Then allow the alcohol to be an excuse to pretend to forget about in the morning." Isn't that what humans do? Use alcohol as an excuse for a lot of things. But especially honesty.

[singlemantear]

Dean raises his eyebrows.

"You got something else to tell me?"

Cas had already told him he's got feelings for him. What else could he possibly need to say that Dean's gonna want to forget in the morning? Maybe he doesn't want to know but Cas is on his way to drunk so Dean thinks he gonna find out no matter what.

[useinsouciant]

"I haven't stopped thinking about that kiss since it happened. And I know -- at least I think I know that it isn't something that interests you. I very badly would like it to happen again, but not unless you wanted it, too. Really, actually, truthfully wanted it."

[singlemantear]

Dean takes in a breath and lets it out. The kiss. Right. Both kisses, really. If Dean's honest, he's been thinking about it too. About how he liked it and maybe it wouldn't hurt to try it again. If Cas was still interested when he was healed. Dean's still not sure Cas isn't just vulnerable and sick and clinging to the only person within arms reach. He still can't wrap his head around Cas having feelings for him.

"I uh...I've been thinking about it too," he admits. Maybe it's the alcohol doing it's job, but he thinks Cas should know. There's nothing worse than putting yourself out there and hitting a brick wall. Dean may be unsure about this but he's not a total dick.

[useinsouciant]

"Have you?" Cas smiles and finishes off his drink, setting his glass down and nudging it away a little. "Is it... a good sort of thinking? More remembrance or more regret?" There's a little bit of hope there. Just a small bit. He doesn't dare hope too much.

[singlemantear]

"It's not regret," he assures Cas, but doesn't reveal more than that. It's hard for him to talk about it. He's not really even sure what he feels.

He'd decided to push it out of his mind until things were more back to normal, but he should know better than for Cas to be on the same page about it.

"I'm not real sure what it is, but it's not regret."

[useinsouciant]

"I'm glad, then. I wouldn't have wanted to make you do anything that you regretted. That's... what I needed to know, what's been at the back of my mind since then."

Among a million other thoughts and feelings, but that is certainly one of them.

[singlemantear]

"You didn't make me do anything, Cas," he says before he finishes his drink off and puts the glass down next to Cas's before he leans back against the couch again.

"In fact, I think I'm the one who kissed you the second time."

He lifts an eyebrow and there's a hint of a smirk there. Yeah, he's admitting to it. So what?

[useinsouciant]

He was going to let Dean forget that part. Let him have deniability. But then Dean admits it, and Cas grins. "You did, didn't you? I think about that a lot, too."

[singlemantear]

He shrugs, like it's not a big deal (even if it is) but the hint of a smile stays.

"I was curious."

[useinsouciant]

"Do you think you'd ever be curious again? Or was your curiosity, uh. Satisfied." Cas is aching to lean over and brush their lips together like he had last time, but this time he wants Dean to do it. He wants it to be Dean's choice.

[singlemantear]

That adrenaline feeling picks up again, the one that says this is dangerous territory, but also that he likes it. He's probably got an addiction to that feeling but whatever. He's got a lot of problems.

"I might still be curious," he says, eyes flitting down to Cas's lips for just a moment. "But uh...I can't make you any promises, Cas. About...my curiosity. About how you feel. About how I feel."

He can't say he feels for Cas what Cas feels for him. He doesn't know. He cares about him a whole hell of a lot, that he knows. Just...like that? He doesn't know.

[useinsouciant]

Is it pathetic of him, that he'd settle for another kiss? For letting Dean work out his curiosity on him? And then if Dean finds he doesn't like kissing men, or kissing Castiel, it would all go away. It's wrong, probably, how fine with that he is.

"Right now, I'm not looking for promises, Dean. I'm looking for something that feels good," he admits, with a rather sheepish expression. "The alcohol is... fine. It's doing what it's supposed to do. But I have a feeling you'd taste better."

[singlemantear]

Dean feels a heat creep up his neck and down his spine at Cas's words - like he does when an attractive woman hits on him at a bar. Except he's not at all prepared for that to come out of Cas's mouth. Or the way he feels when it does.

Out of someone else, that might be a cheesy line. (Actually, out of Dean's mouth, it for sure would be). But somehow, coming from Cas it's so damn sincere that it works.

"Jesus, Cas, you've been human like two days and you've already perfected your pickup game," he says, rubbing a hand over his mouth.

[useinsouciant]

"I'm only being honest. I think you said I'm good at that." He means it, too. He can't even imagine lying to Dean. Or using a line on him just to get another kiss. Whatever he says is true for him, and he hopes Dean realizes that.

[singlemantear]

"Yeah, you are," he repeats. Better than Dean.

He sits up and scrubs at his face for a moment, trying to work things out. He lets out a breath and looks over at Cas, bringing his hand up to press against his cheek.

"C'mere, Casanova."

He leans in and brings Cas's lips to his.

[useinsouciant]

“Casanova,” he laughs softly, but then Dean’s mouth is on his and the world feels right again. He slides his hand over Dean’s thigh as he leans closer, wanting to make the most of this while he can. While Dean is willing to let him have this,

[singlemantear]

It doesn't occur to Dean until after he's said it that you could shorten Casanova to Cas too. He internally eye rolls at himself.

Cas practically melts against him as he brings their lips together and it shouldn't be as much of a turn on as it is. The other man takes a breath and Dean uses the opening to deepen the kiss a little, licking into Cas's mouth. And when their tongues meet there's an electric spark that zings down Dean's spine that he can't ignore.

[useinsouciant]

Oh, he loves this. Loves the way Dean leans into him, uses their breathing as his guide for the kiss. He parts his lips and their tongues slide together, and Cas's hand moves further up Dean's thigh, squeezing there. There's something he wants to do but he's not sure if Dean will let him, but -- it can't hurt to ask.

"Can I try something, Dean?"