for useinsouciant

[singlemantear]

 continued from here.

Dean doesn't get much sleep. He stays in bed, makes sure Cas gets the sleep he needs, but Dean's too keyed up about what he's going to do the next day to get much more than short, fitful bouts of unconsciousness. His dreams are filled with images of anxiety and pain - the face of his brother, a hoard of Croats chasing him, the scorch mark of angel wings across pavement.

As the sun starts to rise, Dean slides out of bed, careful to not wake up Cas, and goes to prepare for what he's gotta do that day. He covers the dining room floor with sheets that will hopefully soak up the blood, he sterilizes the saw and surgical instruments with alcohol he'd gotten at the hospital and gets all the bandages ready. He feels sick but he's got his game face on - determined to do what Cas has asked of him. He isn't thinking beyond the present moment and the one after that and the one after that. He won't think of the future again until after this is over. Cas needs all his attention.

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[useinsouciant]

"Have you?" Cas smiles and finishes off his drink, setting his glass down and nudging it away a little. "Is it... a good sort of thinking? More remembrance or more regret?" There's a little bit of hope there. Just a small bit. He doesn't dare hope too much.

[singlemantear]

"It's not regret," he assures Cas, but doesn't reveal more than that. It's hard for him to talk about it. He's not really even sure what he feels.

He'd decided to push it out of his mind until things were more back to normal, but he should know better than for Cas to be on the same page about it.

"I'm not real sure what it is, but it's not regret."

[useinsouciant]

"I'm glad, then. I wouldn't have wanted to make you do anything that you regretted. That's... what I needed to know, what's been at the back of my mind since then."

Among a million other thoughts and feelings, but that is certainly one of them.

[singlemantear]

"You didn't make me do anything, Cas," he says before he finishes his drink off and puts the glass down next to Cas's before he leans back against the couch again.

"In fact, I think I'm the one who kissed you the second time."

He lifts an eyebrow and there's a hint of a smirk there. Yeah, he's admitting to it. So what?

[useinsouciant]

He was going to let Dean forget that part. Let him have deniability. But then Dean admits it, and Cas grins. "You did, didn't you? I think about that a lot, too."

[singlemantear]

He shrugs, like it's not a big deal (even if it is) but the hint of a smile stays.

"I was curious."

[useinsouciant]

"Do you think you'd ever be curious again? Or was your curiosity, uh. Satisfied." Cas is aching to lean over and brush their lips together like he had last time, but this time he wants Dean to do it. He wants it to be Dean's choice.

[singlemantear]

That adrenaline feeling picks up again, the one that says this is dangerous territory, but also that he likes it. He's probably got an addiction to that feeling but whatever. He's got a lot of problems.

"I might still be curious," he says, eyes flitting down to Cas's lips for just a moment. "But uh...I can't make you any promises, Cas. About...my curiosity. About how you feel. About how I feel."

He can't say he feels for Cas what Cas feels for him. He doesn't know. He cares about him a whole hell of a lot, that he knows. Just...like that? He doesn't know.

[useinsouciant]

Is it pathetic of him, that he'd settle for another kiss? For letting Dean work out his curiosity on him? And then if Dean finds he doesn't like kissing men, or kissing Castiel, it would all go away. It's wrong, probably, how fine with that he is.

"Right now, I'm not looking for promises, Dean. I'm looking for something that feels good," he admits, with a rather sheepish expression. "The alcohol is... fine. It's doing what it's supposed to do. But I have a feeling you'd taste better."

[singlemantear]

Dean feels a heat creep up his neck and down his spine at Cas's words - like he does when an attractive woman hits on him at a bar. Except he's not at all prepared for that to come out of Cas's mouth. Or the way he feels when it does.

Out of someone else, that might be a cheesy line. (Actually, out of Dean's mouth, it for sure would be). But somehow, coming from Cas it's so damn sincere that it works.

"Jesus, Cas, you've been human like two days and you've already perfected your pickup game," he says, rubbing a hand over his mouth.

[useinsouciant]

"I'm only being honest. I think you said I'm good at that." He means it, too. He can't even imagine lying to Dean. Or using a line on him just to get another kiss. Whatever he says is true for him, and he hopes Dean realizes that.

[singlemantear]

"Yeah, you are," he repeats. Better than Dean.

He sits up and scrubs at his face for a moment, trying to work things out. He lets out a breath and looks over at Cas, bringing his hand up to press against his cheek.

"C'mere, Casanova."

He leans in and brings Cas's lips to his.

[useinsouciant]

“Casanova,” he laughs softly, but then Dean’s mouth is on his and the world feels right again. He slides his hand over Dean’s thigh as he leans closer, wanting to make the most of this while he can. While Dean is willing to let him have this,

[singlemantear]

It doesn't occur to Dean until after he's said it that you could shorten Casanova to Cas too. He internally eye rolls at himself.

Cas practically melts against him as he brings their lips together and it shouldn't be as much of a turn on as it is. The other man takes a breath and Dean uses the opening to deepen the kiss a little, licking into Cas's mouth. And when their tongues meet there's an electric spark that zings down Dean's spine that he can't ignore.

[useinsouciant]

Oh, he loves this. Loves the way Dean leans into him, uses their breathing as his guide for the kiss. He parts his lips and their tongues slide together, and Cas's hand moves further up Dean's thigh, squeezing there. There's something he wants to do but he's not sure if Dean will let him, but -- it can't hurt to ask.

"Can I try something, Dean?"

[singlemantear]

Dean feels Cas's hand slide up further and he asks himself how far he's willing to let this go - especially considering Cas has been drinking for the first time. And is on painkillers.

"Depends what it is," Dean answers as he breaks the kiss but doesn't pull away at all.

[useinsouciant]

"I'd like to try being in your lap. I think the angle would be better for the kiss. And it would let me be closer to you." It would also have less strain on his shoulders than twisting like this. He brushes their lips together again, squeezing Dean's thigh to help encourage his decision.

[singlemantear]

If he allows Cas to crawl into his lap, Dean has to come to terms with the fact that this is beyond curiosity. He has to admit to himself that he's attracted to his best friend. Maybe has been for a little while now. He looks at Cas, feels the tingle in his lips from their kissing and the first strands of arousal sliding down his spine, and makes his decision.

He moves his hands to curl around Cas's waist and carefully encourage him into Dean's lap as he sits back against the cushions.

[useinsouciant]

His movements are a little stiff due to the stitches in his back, but he manages to swing a leg over Dean's lap and settle in.

And it's good. Good in a different way than curling up next to Dean in bed. That's comforting, this -- this is heady. He exhales shakily against Dean's mouth, looking down at him. Stroking his cheek with the backs of his fingers. "I like this."

[singlemantear]

Dean lets out a breath as Cas settles onto his lap. He wouldn't say he's relaxed but he doesn't back out either. His hands settle on the other man's hips.

"Yeah, it's uh, a better angle," he says, getting used to Cas's weight, to the intimacy that usually has Dean turning tail.

[useinsouciant]

"Less twisting." He feels dizzy. Though less from the alcohol and more from the feeling of Dean's lips against his. The taste of him.

He slides his fingers into Dean's hair and brushes their lips together again. Nothing long or lingering, just testing out the new angle.

[singlemantear]

"Mm," he agrees as their lips slide together. It's still just a lot of testing for him, but he has to admit that it feels good - Cas's lips, his fingers carding through his hair. It's no different than a woman, he decides. Aside from the brush of stubble which is different but kinda nice too.

[useinsouciant]

He brushes his lips against Dean's jaw and something occurs to him, making him frown softly. "You have to tell me if you don't like it, right? If it doesn't feel good for you."

He doesn't want Dean to go along with it just because Cas likes it, and he doesn't want to do anything that Dean doesn't enjoy, too.